downtime

Capricorn: It is likely that you have been working too hard and too long. Don't you think the time has come for a bit of a break, HUI? Even if you manage to drag yourself out of bed and ease yourself behind the control panel, little is likely to be accomplished. When your heart isn't in it, it is difficult for your mind to be. A few days of rest and relaxation will rejuvenate you. Perhaps you should take a short jaunt out of town...

ulcer, sore throat, half-blocked nose, muscle ache... machine suddenly broke down tis morning..

slept alot and just work up after a 5 hours nap. feeling goggy. thank goodness its friday tml....

wats wrong with me?

time of the month? i think so...

but i guess im also pretty jaded. wat have i accomplished in the last 1 yr here? i really dunno. i think morale and patience sunk an all time low tis afternoon. tis time its not dh, not anyone but its me.

so many negative tots culmated in me today. much more than any 'attack'.

was is a wrong career move for me? wld i have been better where i was or where i cld have gone to. i dunno and i really wont know. no where is gd. its juz a matter of how bad things are.

just feel that im under-achieving here. been feeling this way since i joined. it took some kind of willpower to carry on every day. Gg to work may not be a drag everyday cuz of the colleagues but there really isnt much to look forward to for work. at a total slack...

how long more can i last? wats the pt of gg for a long break? come back to work the recharged soul will once again wear thin again. but im still looking forward to my holiday. juz cuz i want to be away from the office. wats the pt of being at work anyway? when was the last time i typed a proper mail. when was the last time i followed up on a proper matter?

Jaded and lost...

now i will have to worry about how to face all of them tml. its really hard to pretend everything is ok when the heart and mind is feeling a ton. Hopping onto the cab and reaching home at 10 past 6 felt like a total relief. I switched off my mobile too.. hoping to switch off from the world entirely as well. Sweating out after the run, the cycle and the attempt to get 'in touch' with my inner soul thru yoga did help recover the tired soul and refresh the myself. but it did not cleanse off the negative tots. it must be bad when even cornetto classic cone did not do the trick.

what the hell is wrong with me....

Wish i can take the day off tml and head for the beach.. when all else fails.. the deep blue sea and star-lit nite skies may well do the trick.....

Ah hui.. 你要振作！

张玉华/ 李圣杰: 是你决定我的伤心

Addicted to this song recently. Can listen to it over n over again...

女:我曾经以为那是一次潇洒的邂逅
所以我一直相信能够轻易说hello
抱著游戏的心情
考验自己没有防备的感情
不在乎自己有没有这种能力

*男:我必须承认不敢释放我的真情
所以我相信也会是你的问题
太多太多的激情闯进尘封已久的禁地
让我们失去选择的余地

#男:是你决定我的伤心
女:是你决定我的伤心
合:如果我们还会重新相遇
我会用感觉拥有所有的你

+男:是你决定我的伤心
女:是你决定我的伤心
合:如果我们还会重新相遇
我不会让你决定我的伤心

sian sian sian

Horoscope speaking to me again...

Disagreements and hot tempers could get in the way of completing an important project, HUI. There may be a detail to the plan that some people just can't seem to agree on. It's best to attempt to rework it rather than try to bring everyone around to the current point of view, as people are too tense to listen to reason. Instead, hear what they have to say and act accordingly. Remember: remain objective!

work is at a all-time low morale... with a director directing us like a traffic controller, no job satisfaction at all. wonder how long more i can take this kind of crap from him. when can he wake up his idea and stop directing us around?

miserable...

the evil tongue

Somehow there is juz so much acid in my tongue, i wonder y. I feel a sense of need to reflect and change the way i speak and communicate with ppl around me and with my loved ones.

Recalled a teaching of the Bible that i once read. Did a search and found some teachings i was looking for to speak to me:

1 Peter 3:10 "THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT"

Matthew 7:1 "Do not judge so that you will not be judged."

James 5:9 Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door

Will pick up the Bible and read again. hopefully i get a better peace of mind and think of my daily speech again.

Hoping for a better me!

unsolicited email

so creepy... was just talking to svia about him during dinner yesterday and got a 'hi there' email from him the next morning.

haven gotten to reply him yet. nothing much to catch up after hearing so many things abt the things he says and commented. juz feel so urgh....

One more baby coming up....

"One more baby coming up..."
19/07/2007 19:54
San

Got a shock when i saw tis sms. tot san is pregnant again... but cant be rite.. ben ben is oli 6mths!

Turned out its ping! yeh im gg to have a niece soon! hahah.. no i dunno wats the gender yet. but i hope i get a niece tis time. den i can get her all the pretty pretty dresses! oh and headbands and shoes! hahaha...

so exciting i cant wait!

golf 2

WEnt for practice session for golf. quite fun.. juz that my left arm doesnt seem to have much strength. need to correct my swing too. but overall quite fruitful. 50% of the balls flew high and the feeling was GREAT!

But malu malu... went to find coach Law to change another club. conveniently went to the nearest golf bag to look for a 7I. Turned out the bag belong to another golfer! ah..... so malu!... hhahaa... kept apologizing while walking away quickly. i need to disappear fast...

No new names from Han. still waiting...

Going to icsc tml! hope i can meet some familiar faces...

Hmmm...Waiting for friday to come cuz watching Harry Potter 5 with Jing. Cant wait for weekend to come to play with wy n ben. i wonder wat i shd do tis weekend?

julie or jamie?

GK was telling me that Master Han told em recently that names should ideally be 2 syllabi. He walked pass my cubicle later in the day and i decided to ask wat he tot of my name.

ME: hey Master, i heard names shd ideally be 2 syllabi. why ar?

Master: even number better mah. unless u have more 'yin' den 'yang' qi in u. u have more 'yang' in u if u always feel warm and hot.

ME: oh i always cold lei..

Master: cham lo... means u got more 'yin'. so 2 syllabi.

ME: oh.. so my chinese name ok anot?

Master: hmmm... its ok la.

ME: ok only?

Master: only means u will married later lor.. hahhaha.. aiya its still 31.

ME: hmm.... den can give me a name that can change my fate anot. so i wont kena cheat can anot?

Master: haha.. let me think abt it.. (Master walked off)

More den an hour later, Master appeared at my workstation again.

Master: hey, this 2 names wat u think?

ME (squinting to read his writing.. Master jiu shi master... handwriting cannot read one): HUh... julie? like julie biscuit? sounds like bully lei... hmmm.. jamie... not bad hor.. sound quite sweet lei..

ME turned to GK: eh jamie can anot ah?

GK gave me the 'der' look: huh not vy u lei...

Master walked off again and said he'll tink of more again.. haha.. i wonder wat names he return with again tml...

so julie or jamie? hahaha....

basic courtesy

i hate it when ppl snoop around my workstation... (ok.. tis only applies to ppl i dont particularly like) and i hate it more when they take my stuff and don't even have the basic courtesy to let me know! printed a copy of the draft brochure to look through. realised it was missing from my desk when addie came by and asked if the copy on HIS desk is mine. i looked around my desk and realise it was gone from my intray. got so fuming mad that i Purposely walked over and asked him if the copy hes holding is mine. guess wat reply i got? a blank "oh yes it is" and he turned back and continued his conversation with gk. WTH. some ppl juz don have the basic courtesy of informing ppl that he has taken their stuff nor have the basic decency to print his own. and i cant believe he has not returned it to me yet.. i tink he nv will.. such an idiot for a boss. yuck, totally spoilt my morning...

wat shd i do?

how shd i be feeling rite now? shock? disappointment? definitely not feeling happy even tho i've been waiting for some romance in my life...

really at loss of words during that moment of revelation. im thankful i was half drunk and could pretend not to hear anything. i was taken aback at the dance floor when half the time he was trying to hold my hand. really hoped none of the colleagues saw that.

Outside of MOS, half the time i was praying for Ad to come save my life... i cant erase those words that he said to me. i juz kept my head down eyes closed pretending to be resting. Was so relieved that he did not manage to get onto the cab with me.

luckily we're moving office in 1 week's time and i wont see him anymore. dont think i can face him and talk to him normally again. regretted giving him my no. when he asked that day. juz so disappointed with him... how cld he do this to his wife?

trouble trouble trouble....

macau hk shenzhen

Its holiday time again!

Altho i wld much prefer a relax beach resorty holiday but maybe got to wait til next yr.. rite now, its juz about getting away from work...

flight and hotels confirmed.. now juz waiting for 3rd aug to come...

happy birthday ah min!

1st golf lesson!

We finally started on our golf lesson!

It was a 2hr lesson today, starting with an hour of theory. Learnt about the different types of clubs and rules etc...

finally got to swing and hit the ball off the tee. didnt reali get the posture right and all and the balls didnt really flew high. some even hit the "Do not hit the balls here" sign near the fence.. haha so pai say. the poor signage is already half broken...

hopefully next week have time to go practice again before our 2nd lesson on the 24th...

hope yoga classes start soon too.. i need more things to keep me occupied...

Adversity

Tough times at work.

Today i felt so sian in e midst of the discussion that i almost feel like crying out to ease the pek chekness. it made me realise.. the negative tots are realli eating into me. and i noe i ought to step out of it. no matter how unbearable it is getting. cuz its juz like a snowball now.. and if i dont step off and get back on dry tracks.. it will juz keep growing and GROwing....

i want to be happy... take things easy and juz take work as just work. mebe work has taken centerstage in my life now which explains y its eating into me so much....

been working on the same thing again and again... at least for the last 6 months? plans keep changing... those leading the proj doesnt seem to be having a clear lead. which is worrying. time is working against us... all of us know. but things juz keeps gg in circles and we have made no progress for months. so much things that we've been asked to comment on but eventually what happens? 70% of it gets rejected and we are told we are running out of time. in the end, we practically had not much to comment on the product and the brochure turns out to be so amateurist...total disappointment and an embarassment to bring that out to meet ppl... gosh...

puzzles me how such a major project can turn into such a mess. with a develpmt alien creating extra layers for communication, play tai-ji ever so often and most of the time becoming a 'bulldozer' on others.. i wonder who made the decision to place someone like him to lead the whole project. what a risk!

Now theres an alien in my dpt which the co. spends a hefty amt relocating him here which is creating havoc n unhappiness in the team. i wonder if he realises that he has yet to convince us that he is worthy of his position.

strange thing in life. when a foreign company ventures into other countries, they still 'plant' their own ppl (who know nuts abt the local mkt) to lead the locals and knowing fairly well that locals can pull off a gd job. sigh... life leaves us with no choice and with nothing known as "fairness".

i juz pray for strength and positive feelings to grow as i move on in this difficult phase...

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome" Anne Dudley Bradstreet

succumbing to sale talk...

:(

i need stronger will power to step away from those irritating sales talk.
couldnt really sleep last night. so bothered and regretful abt signing up the package. i shd have persisted n walk away. i guess weak will power. before gg in for the treatment i already told da jie that im afraid of such sales talk. when can i ever step in a salon and step out with my pocket still feeling safe? i guess this time my scalp condition also didnt help but i shd have reminded myself that dajie still had 5 sessions which i cld help to use.. sigh... NEVER EVER STEP VISIT JEAN YIP!!! for my next 6 sessions. im gg to leave all my cards at home and juz bring minimal cash to the salon. tats what i shd have done shdnt i?

oh well... 2nd day after the treatment, my scalp still feels gd.. so i only pray for money well spent... :S

$1K poorer.. i cld have gotten myself 2 nice bags... sigh... pls let bonus n increment b gd tis yr....